Wednesday, March 29, 2006
Happy Birthday Monkey!!
My first plan was to have a post, with 10 pictures, one from each year of Maya's life. But the pictures grew unruly, and though I loaded them all into blogger, because of different sizes, etc, it didn't look that great. Plus, it kind of took away from the post, rather than adding to it, because I was focusing on the captions, rather than the thoughts that I want to express. Then Ted came in with his Mac, and made a slide show in about 2 minutes, using all of the pictures I had scanned. So I will direct you to view my beautiful baby, as she goes from about 2 weeks old, to a beautiful 10-year old girl. If you click the silly picture of her at the top, you'll get sound. If you click start slideshow, you'll get a slideshow. If your computer doesn't have the right programs or whatever, you can just look at the pictures.
I wanted a baby for about 5 years before I had Maya. WANTED a baby. NEEDED a baby. I would sometimes cry because I wanted one so much. That was my heart. My head said to wait...wait until we finished our Masters' degrees, wait until we were married, wait until Ted had finished his coursework for his PhD. So we waited. But then, finally, we decided the time was right for a baby, and we thought we would plan it so that she would be born in the summer, after Ted finished his courses and exams. Well, life jumps in sometimes, and I got pregnant much faster than we expected. Should have expected that, somehow, since Ted and I were both accidents. I was SO happy, I was finally going to have my baby. But boy, being pregnant sucked. I was SO NOT one of those women who glow and love every minute of it.
From the first moment I met my baby, I was in love. I know this isn't true for all new moms, that some have to learn to 'fall in love' with their babies, and that that is normal, too. But I felt as though someone had knocked the wind out of me, I loved her SO much. I haven't recovered yet. I wonder if you ever do?
Those early years were full of the wonder of learning new things...showing her the world, the stars, fish...I remember so many little things, like the first time she smiled at me like I was the center of her universe, the first time she tried solid food, first steps, first day of school....then there are the bigger girl type things, like her face the first time we went to see A Christmas Carol in San Francisco, and she saw the stage all lit up and close...the first time she went over the edge on a roller coaster...the first time someone asked her what she wanted for Christmas or a birthday, and there wasn't anything she really wanted anymore. That was shocking for her, I think.
And now, 10 years old. If she moves out when she's 18 or 19, then my time living with her is already more than half over. Is it wrong for me to hope she'll live close, always, so we can have dinner together and visit and stay close? It breaks my heart to think of her leaving me, going on into the world and not being here for dinner, walks to see the duckies, swimming in the summer. I need to slow time down a bit, and cherish these next years, and hope that we will always be close, and yet, she will be the strong, independent person I know she needs to be to make it in the world.
But for today, she's 10. A wonderful, giving, funny, gentle, caring 10 year old. A girl who is so smart and beautiful and funny, with a wicked sense of humor already, who knows what the monks are chanting in Monty Python and the Holy Grail. A girl who loves animals and is kind to others. A girl to make us proud. I'm not sure how time passes so quickly, but I am sure that I like who she's growing up to be. She's going to be a good person, she already is one. What more could a parent want? She's my dream come true.